Why I’m Grateful For Morning Sickness
Ok so the title may have scooped me a bit, but I couldn’t help myself. Mr. Frugalwoods and I are thrilled to announce that we’re expecting our first baby, a girl, this coming November. Babywoods and I (not to mention Mr. FW and Frugal Hound) are doing well, despite some entertaining first trimester food cravings, aversions, sleep problems, and morning sickness.
(Disclaimer: If, like Frugal Hound, you’re not into reading about baby-related stuff, never fear, we’re not morphing into a parenting blog and we’ll be back to our typical frugal weirdo antics in our next post.)
While I’m elated to share this news with you all, I want to be transparent about the circumstances surrounding our pregnancy. This is partly because I’ve had this post written in my mind for over a year now, and partly because I anticipated writing a different post entirely on this topic–one that didn’t result in the news of a baby and that was instead centered on our battle with infertility. It would be easy for me to gloss over our trials these past 15 months, but that feels disingenuous. And so in the interest of honesty, I’m taking a slight detour from our standard personal finance fare today to share the backstory of our conception.
I think our experience wasn’t all that different from many other couples, but I also think that infertility–whether temporary as ours was, or permanent–isn’t a topic most people feel comfortable talking about, despite the fact that one in eight couples grapples with it in some form. In the absence of those stories, we as a society are left hearing only merry tales of couples who are gleefully three months pregnant, as I am today.
Just as Mr. Frugalwoods and I debunk the taboos that surround discussing money, financial independence, and the ethos of the frugal weirdo, I want to do my own little part to erase the stigma associated with infertility. My friend Shannon, from Financially Blonde, was very open with me about her journey to becoming pregnant with her son Will, and I was deeply grateful for her thoughts and wisdom. I felt so alone in this process and it was reassuring to hear from someone else who’d had a difficult road to conception.
We’re Not In Charge
Mr. Frugalwoods and I have been trying to get pregnant since February 2014, which for those of you familiar with either math or fertility, is a long time. Thus, the bewilderment and thrill we felt in March 2015 when we got our very first positive pregnancy test was truly shocking.
As many couples do, we waited to start trying until we felt we were emotionally and financially mature enough to handle bringing a new life into the world. It’s not a decision we made lightly and it’s one we discussed for years (yes, years) before taking the plunge.
Mr. FW and I are legendary for deliberating the pros and cons of every major decision we make and we couldn’t imagine a more profound one than having a baby. After all, you can always sell a house, pay off debt, get rid of ugly furniture, extract yourself from a bad relationship, or otherwise put wrong decisions largely behind you. But a baby? There’s no going back.
Given the permanency of this decision, we wanted to ensure that our relationship could withstand the torrents of parenthood, that our finances could endure the tsunami of childrearing, and that our early retirement homestead dream would accommodate the sticky hands and demands of children. Fear not, frugal weirdo friends, Babywoods is very much a planned part of our financial independence timeline and she doesn’t change our fall 2017 early retirement date or homestead intentions. In fact, part of the motivation behind decamping to a homestead is our desire to raise our kids in a laid-back, nature-infused setting. Rest assured, we’re well aware that our lives will change in unknown, all-encompassing, and life-altering ways after she’s born–we have no delusions to the contrary–but the core of who we are and what we aspire to will remain.
Waiting until we were 29 and 30 to start trying for a baby felt like a reasonable balance between maturity and youth. We want to be young parents and we want to have more than one child, all of which indicated to us we’d better get going. Since we’ll be 31 and 32 when Babywoods is born, we’re glad we started when we did.
I’ve talked before about how I don’t think I would’ve made a very good mother at age 24 when we were first married, and I believe that even more keenly now that we’re in the thick of baby preparations. I wasn’t secure in my own convictions, or confident in my disregard for the judgements of others, or aware of what I wanted to achieve in life. Having clarity on those elements of my own life gives me the assurance that we’ll be able to raise our daughter in a stable, loving home.
But the reality is, of course, that we can’t control biology, nature, or God’s plans and so, after our years of careful consideration and analysis to select the perfect month in which to conceive a child, it then took us 13 more months to actually get pregnant.
Nothing has taught me more about patience, faith, and our sheer inability to control the world. Mr. FW and I are what you might call “in charge” type of people–we like to organize, orchestrate, engineer, and otherwise spreadsheet our lives. We crave efficiency, optimization, and clever timing. This is really useful for a financial independence trajectory, but not so much for a baby. Indeed, Babywoods had other ideas. She has already taught us the principle lesson of parenthood: we’re no longer in charge.
The Journey To Babywoods
On average, couples who are young and healthy (as Mr. FW and I are) can expect to conceive a baby within three to six months of trying–a full year is considered the outer max for women under 35. In light of just how young and healthy we are, my doctor became concerned when we hadn’t conceived within the 6 month timeframe and she began a battery of tests on us both.
This was our first inkling of just how involved baby-making can become and just how many medical interventions there are for infertility. It wasn’t something we ever thought we’d need to navigate and I was gripped with an icy terror that we’d never be able to have biological children. We joked about having a roving band of greyhounds instead of kids and we talked seriously about adoption (of children, not dogs).
After our testing came back negative or inconclusive, my doctor prescribed Clomid, a fertility-enhancing drug. We weren’t delighted at the prospect of taking fertility medication and were apprehensive about the chance for multiples. But, we decided the risks were worth assuming and so I started my course of pills. After three consecutive months of Clomid, the maximum number allowed by my doctor, we still weren’t pregnant.
How could this be? We’d tried to do everything right! We started to reason with ourselves and the universe: here we are a loving, married couple who has carefully chosen to have children, with the financial and emotional resources to care for them and raise them on a homestead with both parents at home! I really started to feel sorry for myself and angry at the unfairness of the world. Not productive emotions, but, precisely what I felt nonetheless.
Mr. Frugalwoods thoughtfully reminded me of how incredibly fortunate we are and that maybe having children just wasn’t in our cards. He also pointed out that we still had options in light of the many fertility treatments that modern medicine offers. And so on month 12 of trying, we went to the fertility doctor since we were now officially diagnosed as “infertile.” Their waiting room is adjacent to the OB/GYN office and we glumly watched glowing pregnant ladies stroll in for their ultrasounds. Let’s just say it was a dark day.
The fertility doctor was optimistic about our prospects since, once again, he pointed out that we’re young and healthy. I was getting tired of this refrain about our youth and vitality since it didn’t seem to be helping in the Babywoods department one bit. The doctor assured us we’d get pregnant–which was exactly what we’d heard before the failed Clomid rounds–so we were less than enthused, but game to try anything.
He ordered another round of increasingly invasive tests, which would commence the next month. After that, we’d start IUI (intrauterine insemination), which essentially involves using all of our own parts, but conducting the conception via medical intervention in the doctor’s office. Clearly, we’d reached the super romantic stage of baby-making ;). But at this point, we couldn’t care less how it happened.
In addition to pursing the modern medicine route for fertility, I read about (and tried many) herbal-related, food-related, activity-related, prayer-related, and alternative medicine-related methods of increasing the chances for conception. Alas, nothing worked.
Enter Health Insurance
Once the words IUI were on the table, we started researching our insurance coverage for such treatments and came up with an almost unbelievable discovery: our insurance actually covers fertility treatments. This is ridiculously rare and we felt beyond fortunate. It was yet another time in our lives when we realized that privilege plays a huge role in our successes.
The great irony is that we could easily afford to pay for fertility treatments out-of-pocket, whereas for many couples, those costs (which are usually in the low to mid five-figures) are a debt sentence or entirely out of reach. It almost seems unfair that since Mr. FW has a really well-paying job, he has premiere health insurance, and so we’d be off the hook for the costs. A classic case of the rich get richer.
A Surprising Result
Armed with this new knowledge, we settled in to wait for our appointed fertility testing dates and, lo and behold, we got pregnant on our own. We were so stunned by the positive test result (purchased frugally at the Dollar Store, might I add) that I called my doctor in utter disbelief and she told me to come in for a blood test “at my earliest convenience.” You better believe my earliest convenience was that very moment.
A nurse called later that day to confirm I was really and truly pregnant; Mr. FW and I were in a state of wonder. It seems rather serendipitous that we got pregnant during the month while waiting to start our fertility treatments. The coincidence is astounding. I think I was supposed to learn the lesson of patience, which is something I’ve struggled with for years. And, I finally feel like I have just the slightest notion of what that word means.
Given how long it took us to conceive, Mr. FW and I spent the first trimester (typically the most delicate and precarious part of a pregnancy as it’s when miscarriage is most common) in a state of constant fear that we’d lose the baby.
But with each passing week, and each of our three ultrasounds that indicated a healthy, viable, heart-beating fetus, we breathed a sigh of relief. This past Friday, we received the results of a cutting-edge blood test (which again, our amazing insurance covers) that told us Babywoods’ gender, and more importantly, that she tests negative for a slew of grave and life-threatening abnormalities and birth defects. Another deep sigh of relief and gratitude. Today marks the official end of our first trimester and the jubilation we feel defies description. I still walk around almost astonished that we’re pregnant with a healthy baby that’s our very own!
Our Process Was Easy
While our journey to pregnancy was traumatic for us personally, it’s nothing compared to what many couples endure in their infertility challenges. Ours had a simple, happy, inexpensive ending that only cost us a few office visit, and meagre prescription medication, co-pays. Thanks to our robust healthcare, I estimate we spent less than $100 during our year of trying to get pregnant. This amount is absurdly small in comparison to the thousands of dollars infertile couples shell out for medication, testing, IUI, IVF, alternative medicine, and sometimes adoption.
As if the financial burden weren’t enough, I can only surmise that the emotional agony is profound. To have one’s own children feels like a biological rite of passage and to be denied that basic human function feels like the worst violation of justice. Mr. FW and I only scratched the surface of coping with our emotions around infertility and so I won’t pretend to know what it feels like to endure years of infertility and medical interventions. My heart goes out to couples who desperately want children but aren’t having success conceiving.
What I’ve Learned
This experience has given me insight into the concept of not taking anything in life for granted and made me grateful for every single moment of nausea, food aversion, and exhaustion brought by these first three months of pregnancy. I’ve learned not to ask couples when they’re going to have kids, or to trumpet that children are the most amazing blessing in the world, or to condescend towards those without kids, or to even assume that everyone wants children.
We’re all on our own paths and to judge, or presume, or boast isn’t helpful to anyone. I’ve vowed not to complain publicly about any discomforts in my pregnancy because I don’t know who might be painfully envious. I know that during our 13 months of trying, I felt like running into the bathroom and crying every single time I saw a pregnant lady (and on several occasions I did). I also felt like punching people in the nose who intimated that Mr. FW and I “better get started soon.”
Recognizing that everyone is on their own unique journey and that we can’t begin to imagine the hidden joys or devastations in their lives is a valuable perspective for me to internalize. I hope I’ll carry this compassion, awareness, and empathy forward with me and teach it to our daughter.
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Woohoo! Congrats you two. Since getting pregnant was harder for you guys, the pregnancy has to go smoothly now. Don’t let us down now karma!
Thank you so much! I like the karma plan for a smooth pregnancy–sounds good to me 🙂
Long time reader, loved every post, but just happy to read. But this is great news! I know the heartache of trying to fall pregnant and it has bought a great smile to my face all the way from Australia. Hi to Frugal hound x
Thank you so much, Wendy. I appreciate you reading and it’s great to have you here in the comments–it’s always such a joy for me to hear from readers. Very glad to have caused a smile :). Frugal Hound says “rooooo” 😉
congrats! That’s wonderful news and thanks for sharing your story. It sometimes disheartens me how many family issues are taboo in our society. I think its great when people share the good and bad, it keeps us real 🙂
Many thanks! I feel the same way about taboo issues–it just helps me so much to talk about them with other people, so, I hope that this might be helpful to someone.
Congratulations – that’s fantastic news!
Thank you so much :)!
Congrats! Wonderful news! People can say some strange and down right rude things regarding children. When our twins (boy, girl) were young they would say oh you’re done. It none of your business how many kids we will have. The are truly a blessing, best of luck to the Frugalwood family!
Thank you! And yes, people really do make odd comments about kids/having kids/not having kids… it’s all such a personal business.
Thank you :)!
Many thanks :)!
So many congratulations, Frugalwoods!! I’ve been following your blog for awhile now, and am so inspired by your attitudes about life. And I love that you shared your journey to pregnancy with us. My husband and I are not sure if we’ll ever have kids by choice, though we talk about adoption often, but I always appreciate reading about different experiences. It’s a great reminder of how many different paths we all travel, and to treat everyone with respect and not make assumptions. I’m sure you two will make wonderful parents, and Babywoods is very lucky!
Thank you so much, Carissa. I really appreciate you reading and sharing your thoughts. It’s such an honor to hear your kind words! I agree that we’re all on our own diverse paths through life and what’s right for one person isn’t necessarily what the next person wants. I have to stop myself from making assumptions about other people and I just try to remind myself of how little I know of the journey another person is on.
Congratulations! You are beginning one of the truly great adventures of life. Thank you for your blog about your journey. My daughters are 23 and 25, but your comments reminded me of how very fortunate I am to have the experience of being a parent. It is something never to be taken for granted.
Many thanks! I love that you feel fortunate to be a parent–that’s such a loving, genuine expression. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
I hate to hear about your difficulties but so glad you found a happy ending. It really is a shame that no one talks about infertility. I was completely naive to it until we watched several friends battle with it. So I think you are wonderful for using your platform here to talk about it.
I was also stuck by your comment that we are no longer in charge. Nothing could be farther from the truth with children. I can only speak to the first three years, but I am quite certain it continues far beyond.
Thank you! I definitely found infertility to be a pretty taboo topic that no one seems to talk about and so I hope that sharing my story might help someone else feel less alone on the journey. I’m trying to relinquish my tendency to control now so that when Babywoods is born I’ll be completely subject to her demands 😉
Congratulations!! That is Wonderful and Exciting news! My husband and I had difficulty getting pregnant with our son and currently have secondary infertility. We are happy with what we have been given and try to remain focused on that. It warms my heart when I hear of others who have struggled and ultimately have become parents. Congrats again!
Thank you, Erin! I’m so sorry to hear that you’re struggling with secondary infertility. I hope that another baby will happen for you. And, I love your attitude of being thankful for what you have–there’s really no better way to go through life. You have all my best wishes.
Congratulations! That is wonderful news. Joseph and I have been struggling with infertility too. It’s been almost three years for us. I agree that infertility is often a taboo subject and it really is a shame since it does affect so many people. Thanks for sharing your story and congratulations again! I can’t wait for all of the frugal baby tips!
Thank you, Tasha! My heart goes out to you in your fertility challenges. I’m really sorry to hear you’ve been struggling for so long. I appreciate you sharing that experience and I hope that a child will find its way into your lives someday. I send you all my warmest wishes.
Congratulations! What wonderful news to read this morning! Blessings for MamaWoods, DaddyWoods and BabyWoods!
Thank you! I love MamaWoods, DaddyWoods, and BabyWoods!! Too cute 🙂
Congratulations! That’s amazing news!! Thank you for sharing your story. I’m sure it will speak to many. I’m sure the both of you will make wonderful parents. You have a lot of wisdom to bestow on your children.
Thank you so much, Trista! I appreciate that 🙂
Congrats! Super happy for you two!
Many thanks :)!!
Congratulations! I’m a new frugal reader but I’m excited to share that I am pregnant too! I’m only about 8 weeks along so not out of the woods yet and this is my fifth try, I’ve had 4 miscarriages in the last 3 years. But I’ve had 2 surgeries on my uterus in the last 6 months so here’s hoping that worked!
Huge congratulations to you!!! I pray that you have a healthy pregnancy and baby. I hope your surgeries worked too! All my best wishes to you and your little one!
How wonderful – congratulations, Frugalwoods family!!!!
Many thanks, Sandi :)!
Congratulations to you and Mr. FW…oh and of course Frugal Hound! Also, thank you for having the courage to tell your story, you are right infertility is not something that many people discuss publicly. Can’t wait to hear all the frugal ways you will raise your baby 🙂
Thank you! Infertility really does seem to be a “hidden” issue–it’s just not something people ever talk about. I hope that sharing my story might be helpful to someone going through a similar struggle.
Congratulations!! Please realize that it is not “luck” that your insurance in MA covers infertility treatments. Instead, it is required by law after a difficult and long battle that infertile couples organized and waged against insurance companies and the Catholic Church in MA. There used to be only 3 states in the US that had such a law in place. I don’t know that number now. Good Luck!!
Thank you so much for sharing that, Theresa! That’s a wonderful thing to be aware of. Clearly I was not in the know! In case anyone else lives in MA and is looking for more information, here’s a link I found with details: http://www.growingfamilybenefits.com/massachusetts-infertility-mandate/
That is just wonderful. Congratulations! And I hope you can at least complain to Mr. Frugalwoods (a little bit) when the normal aches and pains of pregnancy strike . . . even though you feel lucky (as I do) that you get to experience them!
Thank you so much!! Haha, yes, Mr. FW definitely is the recipient of my “pregnancy commentary” as we call it :). There are just so many interesting things happening to the body right now (which I’m sure you can relate to!).
How very cool, congrats to you guys!
Now…..where will she be attending college?
Ooh good question! I have a fifth-grader whose class has been discussing college choices, costs, etc – & I’m curious what other people are saving for their kids’ college/launching years.
Congratulations Frugalwoods family!
Oh geez you two, she hasn’t even been born yet ;)! I jest though. We’ll have to see what she’s interested in doing with her life. If she wants to attend a 4-yr college, I imagine we’ll steer her towards a good, affordable, in-state public university. But, who knows–maybe she’ll want to be a lumberjack or ballerina instead. We’re saving money for her future, but, we save all the money we can already anyway, so no big change there :).
Thanks for sharing your experience in such a well written and thoughtful way. I am thrilled for the Frugalwood family!
It’s funny, just this week I was telling a neighbor about your blog (I am an unpaid promoter 🙂 He asked if you had children, as he and his wife have two. I said no, and realized that the difference in circumstance was significant.
Thank you also for pointing out that privilege, in its many forms, plays a large role in our successes in life.
Thank you for promoting us! I appreciate it :). If your neighbor is interested in reading about folks who have retired early/plan to retire early with kids, I highly recommend the blogs Root Of Good, 1500 Days to Freedom, Mr. Money Mustache, and Go Curry Cracker. These folks are all making it work with kiddos!
Congratulations!!! I can’t wait to see headless and profile pics of Baby Frugalwoods! 🙂
I had a very similar experience: Got pregnant on the first try, had a miscarriage at 8 weeks, then spent a year trying to get pregnant again. Went to a fertility doctor, lots of tests and medications were ordered, my husband did his “test”, and two days later I had a positive pregnancy test, before we started any of the medications or treatments. In my case, I’m only half-joking when I say that I believe that I was so tense during that year of trying, I completely freaked out my body. Once we met with the fertility specialist and had a plan of action in place, I relaxed a great deal, and got pregnant on my own. It was a good lesson for me.
Many congratulations to you on getting pregnant too! You make a good point about relaxing into it! It’s such a stressful process, but the end result is such sheer joy. Thank you for sharing your experience!
First of….CONGRATS!!!!!! We look forward to having you in the parenting club.
Second….Wow….thanks for being so willing to share such an incredibly personal experience! Weve known many friends who have had various levels of trouble with conception, and many of them were not in nearly as good of a financial position as you are to obsorb the hit.
Glad to hear you guys are already a bit ‘sleep deprived’…..alls i say is, you havnt seen nothibg yet! Rest while you can!
Many thanks! I do hope that sharing my experiences might help someone else going through a similar trial. Looking forward to the parenting club :)!
Wow, congratulations on the bundle of joy delivery headed your way!
Frugalhound looks like he’s unsure about this whole baby thing. HE’S the baby, lol.
Thank you! Frugal Hound is definitely our first child 🙂
Congratulations! So happy for you. Having kids has definitely challenged my desire for control, but it’s been so good for me. I’m excited for you experience all the joys of parenthood. Thanks for sharing your news.
Many thanks! I definitely foresee my desire to be in control falling by the wayside… 😉
Oh my gosh, congratulations!!! I am weirdly happy for you guys considering I only internet-know you! Thank you for sharing your story about infertility. I’m not personally interested in kids but I know this is one of those topics that a lot of people struggle with silently, and a lot of the stigma would be gone if people could just be honest about it. People say the DUMBEST things to young childless couples and I am sorry you had to put up with that!! I’ve thought about punching a few in the face myself 🙂
Thank you so much!!! I get really excited for my internet friends too, so I totally appreciate it :)!! I completely agree on the stigma surrounding infertility–I wish we could all just talk about it (if we wanted to that is). Haha–oh the face-punching…
Congratulations! And thank you for this post. The “trying”/early pregnancy phase that precedes the public announcement is shrouded in mystery (often painful) virtually all the time, which makes it pretty intimidating for me and my husband, who aren’t TTC yet but will be at some point. I have been thankful that next to no one asks us about our babymaking plans, although just in the last couple months (coming up on our 5th wedding anniversary) both our our sets of parents dropped their first hints, grr. I am very careful not to ask anyone else about theirs although I almost always want to know!
I am a bit surprised because I thought you were waiting until you retired to have your first child, but I guess that was reading into your posts a bit too much! I’m exited to continue following your journey and see how you fit your daughter into your Big Life Plans.
Thank you so much! Early pregnancy and TTC really is shrouded in mystery for some mysterious reason and I wish it were a topic people felt more comfortable discussing. Don’t feel intimidated though–there are a lot of great books and resources out there if you’re looking for more information. And, I’m happy to chat by email anytime!
We decided we didn’t want to wait until retiring to start trying because we felt ready and we wanted to get the process started. Now given how long it took us, we’re doubly glad we started when we did. But, I have faith everything works out as it’s supposed to in the end. Babywoods was just on her own timeline :).
Congratulations! My BFF is in the middle of a stressful pregnancy with her second (took a long time to get pregnant; miscarriage after two months; random bleeding after she got pregnant again; everything appears to be actually on track now, at 5 months, but we’re all holding our breaths at this point). Everything was so comparatively easy with her first child; this one has everyone walking on eggshells, as it were, and it’s reminding me again about the fragility of this whole enterprise. I hope everything continues to go swimmingly for you! I am sure the baby will be adorable 🙂
Thank you so much! I’m so sorry to hear about your friend’s struggles. It really is a fragile enterprise–that’s a perfect way of describing it. I hope all goes well with her pregnancy and that she has a happy, healthy baby.
CONGRATULATIONS!!! Ah, so exciting! What a little blessing she is! 🙂
Thank you so much :)! We’re pretty excited!
Congratulations. I am so happy for you!
Many thanks, I appreciate it :)!
Congratulations!! It is such an exciting time! Enjoy!
Thank you :)!
I sincerely could NOT be happier for you! This is wonderful news, and thank you for so honestly and lovingly writing about your struggles. I´ve been shocked to learn “in my adult years” how common fertility struggles are, and it breaks my heart every time. Michael and I very often get the “it´s your turn” and “better get started” but we, like you, are very careful considerers of the time in our lives, and well, the time is not yet.
Anyway, SO happy for you! Can´t wait to keep reading about this journey! XO
Thank you so much! And, you’re very wise to wait until the right time for you and your husband. I really do think that’s important–don’t let anyone pressure you otherwise 🙂
Congratulations and very powerful message and lesson learnt, at the end of the article. I’ve come to a similar conclusion regarding a person’s single/couple status. I was asked that question enough times in my single years to never thrust it upon anyone who presently can’t find a suitable mate.
Thanks for sharing this journey and it’ll be interesting to see how Babywoods changes the path to the homestead.
Many thanks! Good point about the couple/single question–it’s another one of those things that people tend to pry into without thinking.
Congratulations to you both! Frugal hound will make an awesome babysitter
Thank you so much! I have the same aspirations for Frugal Hound… 🙂
What wonderful news!!! Congratulations!!!!! I was so excited when I read your post heading…..was so keen to open the email to read all of the details. Babywoods is so lucky that she will have two such wonderful frugal weirdos as yourselves, as her parents!
Thank you so much, Belinda! That’s very sweet of you to say!
What wonderful news! Congratulations! When I saw Babywoods, I thought Elle Woods from Legally Blonde. She got in! “What, like, its hard?”
Thanks for talking about the hidden heartache with kids. Hubs and I are nearly decided that we won’t be having children. It’s been the most difficult decisions I’ve ever made. From engagement to 2 years married, it felt like people only wanted to know about the status of my uterus. It’s a tough topic and I wish people would think before saying anything. Thanks for sharing your story 🙂
It really is such a personal decision, but somehow people try to make it their business–I’m sorry you’ve had to put up with that. Thank you for your good wishes :)!
Congrats! I’m due in mid-October, so I’m looking forward to hearing a little be about frugal baby preparation! The consumerism surrounding this precious event is insane.
Thank you! Huge congrats to you too!!! The consumerism around babies really is out of control. I think it’s even worse than weddings! Rest assured, we’re planning a very frugal nursery for Babywoods :).
First off, congrats! Secondly, thanks for being so open about the experience you and Mr. FW have gone through – it goes on a lot more than people realize yet so few talk about it.
Thank you so much! I just hope that sharing my story here might be helpful to someone going through a similar situation.
You two just continue to amaze me with your maturity, compassion, and insight into life and people in general. Oh, and a very sincere congratulations to both of you. I’ve only been reading your blog a short time, but I feel I know you personally. Thank you for sharing your personal stories and wisdom with all of us. Infertility is long, difficult journey. I went through it with two family members. Both have children now. You’ll make wonderful parents. A Vermont comment…when my daughter visits me here with her two little toddlers, she told me that Vermont seems so wholesome, and she thought it a wonderful place to raise children. She said kids here look happy even when they’re freezing and playing in the snow! I would agree. I’m so happy for both of you.
Thank you so much for your good wishes! And, yet another Vermont comment that makes me feel good about the place :). We definitely look forward to the small-town, laid-back, wholesome vibe of Vermont for our kids.
Wow, congrats! I have been behind on my Frugalwoods reading, so made a point of visiting this morning and I’m SO glad I did! I wish your family the very best in this new adventure. One of the things I enjoy most about this blog is your honest and sincere writing. It’s very brave of you to write about your experience, and I agree that it’s so important that these journeys are are shared and heard, not hidden away. Enjoy this special time and thank you for sharing it with all of us! And special congrats to Frugal Hound, she will be wonderful big sister 🙂
Many thanks!! I really appreciate your kind words. It’s important to me to be honest and sincere in my writing and I just hope that this story might be what someone needs to read who is going through a similar struggle.
Frugal Hound is still unsure about losing her only-child status, but she says thanks anyway 😉
CONGRATULATIONS!! That’s so exciting! I’m so happy for you two!
Thank you :)!!
Wonderful news! Congratulations, congratulations! And thanks for sharing your experience.
Many thanks! I appreciate it 🙂
Congrats to you both! Babywoods will be one lucky little lady, with such wonderful people as her parents. I’m very sorry to hear about your infertility struggles (although happy that you had good news in the end and didn’t have to go through additional treatments). I have heard of many couples that struggle with this. I can’t imagine the emotional stress and heartbreak that accompanies that.
Thank you very much, Laura! I do feel like we had a pretty easy journey considering what some couples go through and it just breaks my heart to think of the pain they must be experiencing.
Wow, congrats! I was very surprised to read this, as like another commenter noted above for some reason I thought you were waiting until the homestead for kids.
Or is this going to be your retirement, Mrs FW?
Best wishes and prayers that you have a happy healthy baby 🙂
Thank you! We thought about waiting until we were on the homestead, but, we felt ready last year and just decided to start the process. Our retirement timeline wasn’t going to change either way, so we figured we might as well go with our gut, which was to have kids now :)! It probably will not be my retirement as my salary (even minus daycare costs) is a key part of our strategy. But, we’ll have to see how it all plays out. Thank you for your good wishes!
Congratulations to you both! I’m sorry that it was such a rough year for you to conceive, but I’m glad that you’re taking such positive lessons about compassion and gratitude from that and hoping them to pass them on to your little gremlin.
Best of luck on your new adventure! =)
Thank you so much!! It certainly will be an adventure… :). By the way, I had to laugh when I read your pregnancy vs. remodel post as I could totally relate to it!!
So happy for you both! Congratulations and best wishes!
Many thanks, Sara :)!
A little “FrugalWoods”! How wonderful and I am excited for you and your soon to be expanding family.
Thank you so much!
Congrats! I love that you shared your story and acknowledged that although it was hard for you that it was still easier than what others have gone through. It’s also great that you are so aware that not everyone has the same goals in life or for parenthood. It’s nice and refreshing! I hope this won’t hold you back from being able to attend FinCon though because I (selfishly) would love to meet you!
Haha, I will totally be at FinCon–7 months pregnant and probably really obvious in every room I enter :)! Looking forward to meeting you too!
Congratulations 🙂 your journey has not been smooth but fingers crossed everything is from now on 🙂 we’re due before you, but, like you, I’ve been majorly anxious all of the time in case something goes wrong. We’re keeping the gender of our bump a surprise, but how exciting for a baby girl!
We chose to not find out either. Best surprise of my life and I have a gorgeous (not biased or anything!) baby boy.
We just couldn’t wait to know the gender! I like how everyone can choose whether they want to know or not–makes it the perfect surprise either way. Congrats to you both on your baby and upcoming baby :)!!
No way! !
I’m so happy for you guys!!
Thank you so much!!
I’m so excited for the both of you! I can imagine how hard it would be to have to learn patience like you two… I’m the same way. I’d expect a positive test result the day after the first “trying”. I probably need to work on that. Many congratulations – and Mr. FW will be outnumbered by the women in the house even more so 🙂
You better believe I took a pregnancy test after about the first two days! Hahah, how naive I was… I really have learned a thing or two about patience in this process :). Mr. FW has definitely pointed out a few times that he’ll be outnumbered ;).
Awesome! And congrats!
My first response when I saw the headline was “oh, you guys better get busy updating your spreadsheets…”. 🙂
Then I realized it was a long journey over the course of 1+ year and you obviously had plenty of time to update spreadsheets.
I didn’t realize we were abnormal, but it took us a little over 2 years to create baby #3 (not that it was a bad 2 years 🙂 ). That included a very very early term miscarriage and then over 1.5 years of trying again. We didn’t even think to consult a fertility doctor or OB about the delay, although it was kid #3, so if it didn’t happen, no biggie. We were about to stop trying then the miracle baby shows up. Total spent? Maybe $6 for a half dozen pee sticks (from the dollar store obviously).
For some reason, over the last six months or so I got the vibe that you guys might be expecting a baby sometime soon. The age you’re at now is a very sensible time to have a kid (if it’s ever sensible ha ha ha). Fertility is still high, chance of chromosomal abnormalities still low, and you won’t be 60 when the little one graduates high school. You’re also well launched financially and career wise, so you’re starting out way ahead.
Couldn’t agree more with your last paragraph! Those were all our thoughts exactly. We wanted to be young, but not tooooo young. Now I’m wondering what I’ve said these past few months to give away our baby status… ;). Probably anything since it’s been on my mind constantly!! Thank you for your good wishes; I look forward to soaking up all the advice from experienced frugal parents like you!
Congratulations! B-vitamin complex and protein for “morning sickness.”
Just out of curiosity, in the journey to pregnancy did the doctor test you for MTHFR?
I say “morning sickness” because mine was all day, nothing morning about it.!
Mine was all day long too! Funny how “morning” doesn’t really cover it :). I have indeed been taking vitamin B, not sure if it helped, but I figure it can’t hurt. I’m honestly not sure if they tested me for MTHFR or not–a lot of blood was drawn and tested over the past year and it all came back negative. But, I’m not sure if that was included.
Congratulations!! It takes courage to bring light to the complications that you & Mr. FW had to face. Thank you for sharing, your compassion and empathy will surely be passed down to Babywoods. 🙂
Thank you so much, I appreciate that! I hope we can remember and pass along these lessons to her.
I am SO thankful that the Babywoods news is public!!!!!!!! But you know that I am more happy that your painful journey of infertility has led to this blessed moment. I feel honored that I have been a part of this journey with you and love that my openness helped you be as open as I know that so many couples will take comfort in learning about your journey. I can’t wait to watch the Babywoods bump progress and read all about your now imminent journey to parenthood. Congratulations to you two!!!!
Thank you so much, Shannon! I really appreciated all of your thoughtful words of patience and advice. It was just so helpful to know I wasn’t alone in having these feelings or in this experience. You really motivated me to write this post! Thank you again and again!
Congratulations again to you both, I mean three of you! 🙂 I know the hound might be hurt if I left her out. I’m sorry it was a rough road to get there. I think many women spend so many years trying their best NOT to get pregnant and have an unplanned situation, only to find it was tougher than expected. I’m sure that was very frustrating. But alas! You guys will be great parents!
So true about spending years trying NOT to get pregnant and then wanting to BE pregnant–it’s kind of ironic when you think about it :). Thank you for including the hound in your good wishes. She may have a hard time adjusting to no longer being an only child… 😉
Are ya’ll considering homebirth perchance? When my wife and I were contemplating birth methods, we decided that homebirth with experienced midwives was roughly as dangerous as in a hospital; was probably more pleasant for the child and mother; and would probably be cheaper (despite our insurance not counting it against our deductable). Ymmv.
Thank you so much for your good wishes! We’re planning on going to the hospital for Babywoods since we think we’ll just feel more comfortable there. But, I know that many people do enjoy the homebirth experience.
Huge congrats!! Though I cant relate to infertility (something I wouldn’t wish upon anyone) I can sympathize a bit having a very difficult pregnancy. I got pregnant within one month of trying (talk about terrifying on a different spectrum) but my pregnancy has still scarred me. My daughter is three and though I want more kids I can’t imagine going through everything I did, again…yet. Obviously we’re focused on more financial stability too but more than anything Im not physically or mentally ready to have more (but hope I do get there…). Congrats again and wish you well…everything has a time and place, this is your baby’s moment 😉
Thank you so much for the good wishes! I’m sorry to hear you had such a difficult pregnancy. This whole journey really is filled with unknowns and traumas. But, your daughter is beyond adorable (btw, I love her new little haircut!) :).
Congrats to you both. It takes a lot to talk about this stuff, both privately with friends and family, and even more so to disclose it all publicly on the internet to people who you hardly know. Enjoy the journey!
Thank you so much! I really wanted to share our story here in the hopes that it might bring comfort to anyone going through something similar.
Congratulations!! Southern Vermont is a wonderful place to have kids. You can start getting a feel for the community, if you would like, by joining the Brattleboro New Moms or Parents facebook groups!
Oh excellent! I’ll have to check those out! Would you mind sending me the links? Many thanks!
Another one here who went through a similar situation. We went through multiple miscarriages and were going to try “one last time” with a fertility doctor when I ended up pregnant on our own. It is now estimated that 40% of woman 25 and younger will have difficulty conceiving and/or getting to live birth. Part of my passion in life is now helping others to not feel guilt or shame when they face similar trials. I’m thrilled to see you guys being open about your journey as well.
I’m so sorry to hear about your multiple miscarriages–I can’t imagine how difficult that must have been. Many congratulations to you on your pregnancy though! I love that you’re helping others going through the same struggles. I really do feel like it’s such a hidden issue and I hope that being open about our experience might be helpful to someone else.
We have a history of TTC for 20+ years. We have one son. We got pregnant after trying 2-1/2 years after special prayer. I had prepared to take the next step for a hysterosalpingogram and got pregnant before then. After our son, we tried for about 18 more years and then I had to have a hysterectomy.
Oh wow, thank you for sharing your story here. I’m so sorry that you had to endure that experience. Many congratulations on your son–what a blessing he is!
Congratulations, and thanks for sharing your story. Having a little around will certainly change your routines, but I have no doubt that you will be able to enjoy a new rhythm of life both on and off the homestead!
Don’t forget to read some parenting books instead of just pregnancy books (that was my mistake- I got home from the birth center and was like, “What am I supposed to do now?”)
Hahah–I had that exact realization this week and so Mr. FW checked out “Heading Home With Your Newborn” from the library this week. I realized I’m doing OK with the whole being pregnant thing, but I better figure out what we’re going to DO with this baby ;)!!
Congratulations! I am happy for you and understand your frustrations with infertility. I personally waited seven long years for my daughter and I am now pregnant with number two due on 12/06 of this year. Two years apart is a little closer than I thought, but hey I am grateful for anything I get :D.
My biggest advice is to go ahead and start buying as much stuff now…Since you live in the city I recommend a carrier (Moby, Ergo etc.) ( I want to get an Ergo with number two simply because putting on the Moby was a pain in the a$$ and I will love just being able to click the carrier on) and a stroller…Sometimes you want the baby to carry your stuff too. I love taking my daughter grocery shopping because she brings the groceries home.
I digress…The only items that need to be bought new in my honest opinion are Crib Mattress, Car Seat (for safety. Car seats are less safe after they have been in an accident) and possibly a crib. If you go used on the crib make sure it is up to current safety standards, no drop sides. Because you live in the city there are a bajillion more options for used items on Craigslist. Go ahead and join some “Mommy Groups” on facebook and look into freezer cooking.
If you have any questions, please feel free to reach out to me!
Thank you so much, Julie! And, many congratulations on your daughter and baby-to-be! My due date is 11/25, so our kiddos just might be born at the same time :).
Mr. FW and I are the very fortunate recipients of a lot of hand-me-downs already from friends and family. We actually already have a crib, mattress, a carrier and a sling, car seats, etc all handed down to us from trusted friends (hence I know the car seats weren’t ever in an accident, etc).
I’ve also been checking out garage sales and got a great little baby bouncer/rocker thingy for $10! We definitely want a good, narrow stroller for our narrow cobblestone sidewalks and I’m scoping out used City Minis on Craigslist–it seems to be the narrowest stroller of them all. What kind of stroller do you have? We walk so much that it’s really important to us to have a good, workable stroller that can fit on the T, etc. Thanks for your advice :)!!
I used the Graco Connect stroller. I liked it okay, but I guess I make big babies and she out grew the car seat at five months!!! We know use an umbrella stroller for going into the city and I use the Graco when I am going grocery shopping.
Maclaren stroller all the way. Not cheap but the best. Mine folds with one hand. Folds small. Has a shoulder sling and swivels perfectly and you can push it with one hand and it stays going straight. Its ten years old. I used it with my son. Now 10. My daughter now four and hope that I can keep it to use with my twins, unplanned due in November. Maybe carry one in a carrier and stroll one. Congratulations.
Oh and if your tall. Its tall so no slouching. I’m 6 feet husband 6’6
Good to know, thank you both!
Congratulations! Thank you, Mrs. FW for sharing your story. Taboo topics are the ones that make people feel the loneliest, and it’s amazing how many people resonate with stories like this when someone is willing to be vulnerable and put everything out there. Best wishes for a smooth pregnancy!
Thank you so much! I agree that it’s those topics with stigma that make us feel like we’re the only ones. I really hope that this might be helpful to someone else feeling that way.
I am so excited for you three (frugal hound must be so excited, now you will have someone else to dress up). I can’t wait to follow your frugal baby journey. I was a single mom, a student and didn’t receive child support and was amazed at how inexpensive a baby could be, which was contrary to what everyone said…especially the magazines. This is a period of your life where your not caring what others think will be good for you because everyone will want to tell you what you “should do”. Stay strong and congratulations.
Thank you so much! That’s wonderful to hear that you found baby-raising to be inexpensive! We definitely plan to go the frugal weirdo counter-culture route, so I’m hoping we can frugalize as much as possible 🙂
A most heartfelt congratulations to you both! I have yet to personally travel down the pregnancy road, but as a 3x egg donor I’ve seen briefly the pain and heartbreak associated with infertility and could not be happier for your family.
Side note: someone must be cutting onions in the cubical next door.
Many thanks! And, how awesome that you’ve helped other couples become parents–that’s a wonderful gift to give.
Congratulations to you guys! And so awesome that with your planning, you guys will have a lot of time to spend with Babywoods. And you are so right that we have to be grateful for the things we have. And you’re also right about you not being in charge…my 22 month old is definitely the boss! =)
Thank you so much! I’m glad I’m learning to relinquish control over life now… 😉
Congratulations! Glad to hear your plans are back on track and I’m sure the homestead will be a wonderful environment for your child.
Many thanks! I sure do hope they’ll enjoy the woods as much as we do 🙂
Congrats to you guys! I had a feeling you guys were trying, so I’ve been waiting for this good news. You will be great parents. I can’t wait to follow this new part of your journey. Hopefully I will pick up tricks to save some bucks if I ever get the blessing of having kids!
Thank you so much! I appreciate that :). We’re definitely planning on raising Babywoods frugally, so hopefully we can share some good tips (once we learn them, that is).
Oh man I just love seeing that baby bump!! I cried reading this post thinking of you dealing with this struggle for so long and then smiled at the thought of you seeing that positive test. What an incredible moment for you two! All I can say is that Babywoods is such a lucky lucky baby to have you two as parents. What a wonderful life she will have on the homestead playing outside and having both her parents home. You two have worked hard to create a life for your family that I know will positively impact your daughter for life. Plus, a girl! Yay! I know my daughter has my husband totally wrapped around her fingers. Those two are absolutely precious together, and I can’t wait for you to fall in love with Mr. FW even more as you see him and your daughter together. We are thinking of you all and hoping the rest of your pregnancy goes very smoothly.
Thank you so much, Cat! It was really special to have you guys here that first weekend after we found out. Your kids are so awesome; they were a wonderful first introduction for us of what it’ll be like to have a little one in our home! I’m still really thankful that Frugal Hound did a good job being nanny :). And thank you for all of your kind words and advice!
That was THE bestest story like ever! Congratulations to all of you FW’s! I love that your daughter will be born having her very own “horse”. C’mon, you know y’all were thinking the same thing. That dog would look adorable with a saddle with a toddler on top! 😀
Thank you so much, Kay! And–you guessed it–we’ve definitely already considered all of the photo possibilities with Babywoods and the Hound (she’s totally going to be a pony 🙂 ).
Thank you for being transparent about your struggles as well. Ok, so here is the crazy part- I am also due in November. Good month to have a baby! This is after 11 years of infertility and one adoption of a now 3 1/2 year old. We were also quite surprised.
Oh my gosh!!! That’s wonderful!!!! HUGE congratulations to you!!!! What an exciting addition to your family!
When in November are you due? I’m 11/25 (though who knows exactly when Babywoods will make her appearance 🙂 ).
I am due November 10. But yeah, who knows when the baby will actually come, right? My son’s fourth birthday is actually November 15 so they could easily end up sharing a birthday. It’s a great month to get born!
Oh that’s awesome! Hey–how very frugal of you–if your kids share a bday, you only have to pay for one party ;). I figure we can roll Babywood’s bday parties into our Thanksgiving celebrations–pumpkin pie with candles, anyone? Congrats again on your pregnancy–I am so happy for you!!
Congrats!! This is very exciting news! Long time reader here. Thank you for sharing your struggles with infertility. I have a close friend who is currently suffering through infertility and a recent miscarriage and my heart aches to see her in such pain. Your testimony helps to reinforce how difficult that struggle really is. I am learning how to be sensitive, compassionate, and supportive of what she is going through. Thanks for sharing your exciting news. I’m so happy you are finally expecting your little girl!
Thank you so much, Meghan! It really is an isolating thing to go through, so that’s wonderful that your friend can share her experience with you. I found that it helped tremendously to talk about it. I wish her all the very best.
Oh Wow Congratulations! Enjoy the journey and don’t forget to sleep whenever you get the chance.
Many thanks :)!
Congratulations and God bless.!
Thank you so much!!
I’m so, so happy for you both!! Congratulations! “Babywoods” just sounds too adorable. Thank you for sharing such a personal experience with us, too. Infertility is so widespread, yet seldom spoken of. I love how you’ve worked gratitude into everything – it’s an amazing way to think of the challenge you overcame. While I’ve had the same doubts about motherhood myself, I can’t help but know you two will make amazing parents. I’m sending good vibes for the rest of the pregnancy. =)
Thank you, Erin!! I really am trying to weave gratitude into my life as a more permanent fixture and I am just overwhelmed with gratitude as a result of this pregnancy. I appreciate the good vibes :)!
Congratulations! Prayers for a safe and healthy pregnancy and birth. That little one will change your lives forever.
Many thanks, Kathy! I appreciate the prayers!
Congratulations! Thank you for your sensitivity around infertility. It is not something I have dealt with personally, but have friends who have. Another blogger I know of who teaches gym classes made a baby playlist to announce her pregnancy to her fitness class. That just seemed horribly insensitive to me. No need to hide your pregnancy and your joy about it, but one shouldn’t expect everyone else to feel the same way either. Being a parent is so many things (I have a 10 year old and 7 year old). So much joy, pride, frustration, love, etc. It’s a wild ride for sure.
Thank you so much, Sara! I think you’re right that it’s important to strike that balance between sharing the joy of pregnancy vs. making others feel left out or possibly even hurt. It’s such a personal decision and experience and we just never know where someone else in on the journey.
Congrats! So excited for you guys. I really appreciate your perspective on all of this, and I know infertility can be devastating so I’m glad it worked out for you guys. I know some who have been trying for years and it can be a really trying time. I can’t tell you enough how much I appreciate this -> “Recognizing that everyone is on their own unique journey and that we can’t begin to imagine the hidden joys or devastations in their lives is a valuable perspective for me to internalize. I hope I’ll carry this compassion, awareness, and empathy forward with me and teach it to our daughter.”
I feel most people don’t have this perspective. I think most people are too quick to judge and are not compassionate about the fact that everyone is on a different journey and face their own challenges – some of which are hidden struggles. So important to have compassion towards every situation and curiosity instead of judgement.
Thank you, DC! I really found this experience taught me a lot about compassion and gave me an appreciation for how little we know about the struggles of others.
Congratulations!!!! That’s exciting, life-changing news 🙂 Also, thank you for sharing your experiences. There are a lot of cases in life where it is easy to not realize the impact or emotional effects of our actions, and thus we cannot be empathetic, if no one shares their experience.
Many thanks, Anne! Life-changing is right ;)!
How exciting!!! Congratulations to you all! I was the same age when we had our first kiddo; she’s 15 and learning to drive now! My, how time flies!
Thank you so much! That’s so fun you had your first at the same age :)!
Congratulations on the upcoming arrival of Babywoods!
Many thanks :)!
Congratulations you guys! I look forward to a mix of dog & baby posts going forward 🙂
Thank you so much! We”’ definitely be having dog + baby photos in the future 🙂
How wonderful! Thank you for your transparency around such a difficult situation and your lasting joy. We just found out we’re pregnant too, just on Mother’s Day. Not announcing to the world yet, but in a very similar frugal situation and excited to see what baby brings to the picture. This is the first post I’ve received from you, and the alignment is perfection. Good luck and thank you again!
Huge congratulations on your pregnancy! What a wonderful Mother’s Day gift! I wish you all the very best!!
Congratulations to you both! Sounds like you went through some tribulations to get where you are now, but rest assured, there still could be more coming! So I hope everything goes smooth-sailing from here on out.
As with seemingly every other topic, I have a post of my own about babies in the hopper. I don’t know if I’ll ever post it or not, but long story short: After being together for ten years or something and never once directly discussing whether to have children or not, Marge and I realized that, no, neither of us did. Hence part of the website name Ridinkulous. Waiting ten years to talk about having kids is probably a terrible plan of action, but in our case all’s well.
Thank you so much! That’s great that you two are on the same page about kids–I feel like that’s got to be the most important aspect of deciding whether to become parents or not.
Congratulations! Thanks for sharing about the infertility, not everyone is willing to talk about it but so many struggle with it. I look forward to reading your frugal blog posts in relation to babies. Our little girl is due in Sept after a struggle with infertility
Thank you so much! I wanted to be open about our experience in the hopes that it might be helpful to someone going through something similar. Many congratulations to you on your pregnancy–how wonderful!!
Congratulations! That’s such amazing news. I wish the FW family nothing but the best. Also, I applaud you for being so open and honest with the experience you two had trying to conceive. I’ve learned that infertility is much more common than I once thought since so few people feel able to discuss it. My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years and don’t have any kids yet. It’s amazing what people will say to a young married couple without kids! I’m not sure what the future holds for us, but this is a topic I’ve been thinking about recently… Anyway, good luck to you all!
Many thanks for the good wishes! And, I agree, infertility is much more common that I ever realized since it’s such a rarely talked about topic. Good luck to you and your husband in whatever you decide to do!
Congratulations! It sounds like the road to get here but that you did is all that matters. Very happy for the both (and Frugal Hound too) of you. You’ll make terrific parents. And I wouldn’t have been ready to be a Mom at 24 either, so good for you for waiting until you were.
Thank you so much, Shannon! We’re so happy to be in this place right now :).
Congratulations!! Wishing you all the best! Also, a very thoughtful and well-written post.
Your mom (or whomever makes the FrugalHound’s coats) should start making one that say’s Big Sister 🙂
Thank you so much! Frugal Hound does need a Big Sister coat, doesn’t she! Thanks for the idea 🙂
Huge congrats! So happy for you guys and your growing daughter. What a great lesson in patience to share with us all, and with a happy ending to boot.
Thank you so much!!
Congrats. I clued in when you had seltzer water on Martinis and Your Money a few weeks ago 🙂 Very exciting for you all. Winter baby for you, lots of reasons to stay snug and warm in the house 🙂
Haha, I wondered if anyone would notice my seltzer drinking… ;).We’re definitely looking forward to a cozy and cuddly winter!
Woohoo congrats Mr. & Mrs. Frugalwoods! Hard to believe you were trying for that long. The pregnancy journey will be very exciting, definitely make sure to take care of yourself. Your lives will change for sure as the little one comes out. I’m in total agreement with you about waiting a bit later to be parents. Mrs. T and I waited until we’re in our early 30s to have a kid. Glad we waited.
Thank you so much! We’re glad we waited–even though it ended up being longer than expected.
How wonderful! Babies are always a blessing. Wishing you all the best!
Many thanks :)!
Firstly massive congratulations!
Secondly, thank you for posting this now. When I saw the title my first thought was ”oh great, another pregnancy announcement”. I was feeling very tearful after yet another failed month of “trying” but I soon realised this was just what I needed to read at this time. I look forward to reading more about your journey and will try not to be too jealous!
Oh Jane, thank you for commenting. I know all too well that “failed month” feeling. It’s such a crush. I’m so deeply sorry to hear you’re going through that struggle right now. I wish you all the very best and I sincerely hope you’re pregnant soon! Take care.
Congrats on babywoods!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lovely news! Congratulations!
Many thanks :)!
Congrats! And THANK YOU for sharing it in just this way. I know you would have known exactly what I was feeling when I saw that heading pop up, just after getting a message from a friend also telling me she was due in November….meanwhile nothing happening for me and my husband. We are only 6 months into trying and I cried for the first time about getting my period last month – so I can’t even imagine what it was like waiting all those months you have! I am the same age and did the same thing, waiting until we were stable financially etc to take this big step….but sometimes now I am kicking myself for being so darn sensible!
Many thanks for your good wishes and thank you for sharing your experience. I really do know that feeling and I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through it right now. While we were trying, I seriously felt like everyone else in the whole world was getting pregnant. Every time someone else announced they were pregnant, all I could think was “are you freaking kidding me?!” Don’t kick yourself for waiting–I think in the long run you’ll be grateful you waited until you were in a good financial position, etc. I wish you all the very best and I hope you get that wonderful positive test soon!!!
Infertility sucks. This sounds a lot like our story for our first kid except for the lack of metformin (and it took us a little while longer, but we did get pregnant on our own eventually), and since I didn’t cycle on my own I got to be counted infertile without waiting the full time so my first clomid cycle was also a monitored IUI.
MA requires fertility treatment be covered, which is pretty cool.
It really does suck. I’m so glad you were successful in getting pregnant–that’s awesome! And, yet another reason to love MA :).
Congratulations! Thank you for sharing your story. I have a friend going through something similar and I know it helps here when people are more open about infertility and helping people become aware.
Thank you so much! I hope that sharing my story might be helpful to people going through something similar–they’re not alone in the experience and the emotions. I wish your friend all the very best!
On my gosh! What wonderful news. Parenthood is so wonderful and hard at the same time. You guys will be great! Congratulations and lots of hugs and happiness your way.
Many thanks! We’re really looking forward to the whole wild experience 🙂
Congrats and hugs!
I hope this means the 16 month clothing-buying-hiatus is over? You gotta at least thrift a little for cute maternity and baby clothes. 🙂
Peace and blessings!
Thank you so much! I actually have so many hand-me-down maternity outfits and baby clothes from friends and my sister that I’m hoping to scoot by without needing to buy much if anything… but, we’ll have to see if it all fits 🙂
Many, many congratulations! Frugalhound will be a good big sister. 🙂 <3
Thank you so much! I think Frugal Hound will do OK (once she gets over the shock of no longer being an only child 😉 )
Congratulations! Career, education, happy marriage and sadness, stress, almost desperation. Happiness and sadness at other people’s news. Adoption, surgery, IVF, five figures, drugs and more tests (thiiiiis close to advanced maternal age), tons of sympathy and empathy and a healthy baby later will put a lot of things in perspective. YMMV with all the advice, but parenting classes and Montessori type toys are frugal ways to avoid stuff gravitating to your space.
How large is your immediate family? – is what I ask instead of number of kids. It’s based on my own infertility struggles, friends who’ve lost children, going through divorce, etc. If anyone has other suggestions, I’d love to have another way to respond, when asked whether I have kids.
Thank you for sharing your experience–wow, sounds like a long journey. I’m so glad to hear you had a healthy baby–what a wonderful thing. Family in general is such a personal experience and I like your approach/question. Having that perspective and empathy for others is such a valuable thing and I’m hoping to integrate that more fully into my life. Something I’m really aware of now is that my happy news might bring grief to other people and so I’m trying to temper my excitement and remind myself that it’s not news everyone wants to hear.
I liked your conclusion…..
I’ve learned not to ask couples when they’re going to have kids, or to trumpet that children are the most amazing blessing in the world, or to condescend towards those without kids, or to even assume that everyone wants children.
This post is a great news and a good message for all of us.
Thank you for a great post.
Many thanks! I’m so glad you liked it. I’m really trying to incorporate that empathy into my life and have a greater perspective on the fact that I don’t know what anyone else is going through. I appreciate your kind words :)!
Congratulations! Such exciting news! I can’t wait to read about how to have a frugal baby!
Many thanks! Frugal baby tips here we come :)!
Congratulations! I am so happy for you! It took us 18 months to make Big Brother–I was offered Clomid, but I was afraid to step on the conveyor belt, and then we were moving and couldn’t sell our house and whatnot, so we just decided to wait a little longer and then there we were! (Fun side note: When we had been trying over a year, my unmarried older sister, the one whose boyfriend swore up and down he didn’t want kids of his own, called to tell me she was going to have a baby. I was really upset for, like, an hour, and then I remembered that I love nieces and nephews and more would be better whether I ever gave them cousins or not. Then Sister and I got to be pregnant together!)
So many people will try to convince you that parenting will change your WHOLE LIFE. It won’t. You’ll use your time differently for sure (and that’s an understatement), and it does take up a certain amount of intellectual energy, but you will still be you. No, I don’t read over 100 books a year anymore like I used to, but I still read 75+. I can’t wait to read more about how you get ready for Babywoods!
Thank you so much! I’m so happy that you were able to have two healthy babies–that’s a wonderful thing. And I’m impressed with your Clomid-free patience :), I was definitely in the impatient camp! I can’t imagine how you must’ve felt when your sister got pregnant–probably how I felt when everyone else was telling me their news: “are you freaking kidding me?!?” That’s awesome you got to be pregnant together though.
I also really appreciate your comment that parenting won’t change your whole life–that’s a reassuring thing to hear. I definitely don’t want to lose myself in the process, so I’ll be looking for a balance between being mommy and retaining my identity.
Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Frugalwoods! Super excited for you guys in this next leg of your journey. Although you mentioned this blog won’t turn into a parenting blog, we do look forward to hearing plenty more about Babywoods and the exciting changes that come your way through parenting :).
Thank you so much! Don’t worry, I’m sure we’ll have plenty to say about our frugal Babywoods prep. I just don’t want to overwhelm people 😉
Congratulations! I’m excited to hear about babywoods as my husband and I are expecting our first baby on December 1st 🙂
Yay!!! Huge congrats to you too!!! My due date is 11/25 so our babies just might share a birthday 🙂
A thousand happy Congratulations to your family!!!
Thank you so much :)!!
Wow, I’m so happy for you! I have been following your blog from the beginning and even though I am twice your age (66), you have great tips even for us ‘pensioners.’ I, as well, had issues with fertility but finally became pregnant at 35. My son is now 30 but it just seems like yesterday when he was a youngster. So………enjoy every moment!
You are in for a great time and I think you are going to be great parents! Looking forward to hearing about the new journey.
Thank you so much!! And, I’m so happy that you were able to get pregnant! Makes me so happy to hear :). You should be giving us advice!!
Another chapter begins, you guys have a pretty good book going on over there;) Congrats!
Awww, shucks. Thank you ;)!
Congratulations!! Thrilled to hear your wonderful news. If you take care of Frugaldaughter half as well as you take care of Frugal hound, she’ll be set!
We have one son- we chose adoption as the way to add a child to our family. I will tell you- parenthood- especially when it happens to loving, prepared people- is phenomenally wonderful! I thought I knew love prior to becoming a parent. The love you will experience for your little one is the most incredible, powerful, amazing thing!
Many thanks! Frugal Hound is definitely our first child, so hopefully we’ve gotten in some good practice ;). And, that’s wonderful to hear about parenthood–we’re looking forward to the entire amazing/terrifying experience :)!
congrats! I’m always down with increasing awareness about infertility and how difficult and demoralizing it can be; many people have no idea. I have two Clomid/IUI babies myself, and we were also lucky to be able to pay out of pocket for it.
Many thanks! And, that’s wonderful that you have two babies–so glad that Clomid/IUI worked for you, that’s awesome. It really is a lonely, demoralizing experience and I hope that sharing my story might help someone else going through something similar. Conceiving is just not as straightforward as I once naively thought it was :).
Congrats on the wonderful news. Babywoods is a very appropriate secret-identity name for the new family member. 🙂
Life will no doubt change, perhaps in ways you never would have thought. But that’s surely part of the fun.
Thank you so much :)! Glad to hear you like “Babywoods”! It took us awhile to come up with her blog name–I can only imagine how long it’s going to take us to decide on her real name ;).
Hey that’s great news! Congratulations you two~! We have an 8 month old now and he’s one heck of an amazing child who has changed our lives.
Many thanks! So glad to hear you’re enjoying the parenting adventure :)!
SO happy for you. And you’ve broken the taboo of infertility-talk with such humility and compassion. Well done. This is one very fortunate girl – all the more so because of her parents’ deep gratitude for her.
Thank you so much! I really wanted to be open about our experience and I hope that people might find it helpful.
First: Congratulations to you and all the best for the next six month of your pregnancy.
As a long time lurker on this blog you story resonates so much with me, that I just had to write my first comment! We also had quite a hard long journey to our child. I am so grateful every day for having her, although some days seem harder than we thought it would be. We started much later than you and felt our time would run out and then … it just happened naturally.
Many thanks! And, so glad you wrote your first comment–I love hearing from readers, so feel free to comment all the time :)! I’m so delighted to hear that you too were blessed with a child. It really can be such an ordeal just to get to that stage and I think it’s something many people don’t realize.
I am moved by you post for a number of reasons.
I must admit, I am envious about you right now (just like you wrote you were as well at some point). In our 14th month of “trying” I do feel alone, different, handicapped in some way.
I didn’t yet meet a doctor whom I would trust. I hear totally different opinions from each and thou my insurance covers lots of treatments, queues are for years of waiting. For now, a have a small treatment scheduled on September which might help but might not just as well.
But I do feel reassured by your openness and somehow less lonely. So I congratulate you on the Baby but also on courage to disclose yourself like this and breaking the taboo. I am currently in a process of “coming out” with the subject of our fertility problems, I look around for trustworthy compassionate people to share. This comment is part of this process
Stay in good health and positive energy
Thank you for sharing your experience here–my heart goes out to you. And, I do know all too well that feeling of jealousy. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this right now. I hope that you will find a doctor you trust and a course of treatment that’s comfortable and feels right for you. It’s such a vexing process since too often there’s no clear reason for infertility (as was my case). I wish you all the very best and I hope that you do find others you can discuss it with–talking about it really helped me.
How are you, Mrs Frugalwoods? I just wanted to wish you good luck for your delivery and share with you that I am now 16 weeks pregnant with a baby boy 🙂 Thank you for your support the other day 🙂 Wish you all the best.
Congratulations!!!!! Thank you for sharing your story; you are such a talented writer and you have wonderfully written about what the journey to get pregnant can feel like. My first daughter was a sad, hard journey…It took me 6 months to get pregnant (which felt like forever) then I miscarried at 11.5 weeks. Then another 6 months to get pregnant. However, I got pregnant “by accident” with my second daughter a mere 4 months after my first daughter was born. (And by accident I mean super duper accident. I was exclusively breast-feeding AND on birth control). My point is it seems like you have started to learn this amazing lesson from parenthood: You are not in control. At all. And that can be a really lovely thing. Congratulations again and I look forward to hearing about your adventures as a frugal momma.
Oh my–that’s quite a journey! I’m so sorry for the heartache you must’ve felt with baby #1. And wow, what a surprise with #2! It’s just so interesting how fertility works and how little control we end up having over it all. I really am trying to internalize the fact that I’m no longer in control–it seems like the one thing I can be certain of in this journey to parenthood :).
Thank you so much :)!
Congrats on the pregnancy, I am so happy for you both!!! And thank you so much for being transparent and posting this. We are facing an infertility issue and I would still like one more child in the future so your story really gives me hope.
Thank you so much! I’m so sorry to hear you’re struggling with fertility now and I wish you all the very best. It can be such a frustrating process and I hope you find peace in it soon.
Congrats! It won’t matter to you how long it took once you get to hold her in your arms for the first time!
Thank you! That’s definitely how we’re feeling 🙂
Wonderful news – congratulations! I hope the work you put in up to here frontloaded your parenting pain obligation for this phase and leaves you with only 6-7 months of smooth sailing!
We just welcomed the result of our year-long project this year and if there’s any info I can offer, don’t hesitate to ask. One of the best things a new-mom friend did for me was answer all those “is this NORMAL??” questions at odd hours. 🙂
Many, many thanks! And, huge congratulations on your bundle of joy! I appreciate the offer of advice–I’m sure I’ll have millions of questions 🙂
What a great post. That was nice to read. I myself am due in October and in the months it took to get pregnant, I felt like I really did learn a lot of empathy and understanding for women who have tried without success as well. I think that talking about it does help people know how common infertility is and how it isn’t as easy as we often perceive it to be.
On a different note, this has also propelled our move from our Northern Oil Town Metropolis to our haven in BC where we will head down for our maternity leave. This has always been our plan; it was just delayed a bit by trying to conceive. You are right; there are some things you cannot control.
All the best to you. I’m excited for you guys.
Many congrats to you on your pregnancy! How exciting! Infertility seems to be such a misunderstood thing and I hope that sharing my experience might help people realize how common it really is. That’s so exciting that you’ll be moving soon–how wonderful!
That’s great news for you and for me. I’m very happy for you guys, sounds that you had a harsh year. Hopefully everything will continue well. I’m also happy for me as I’m behind Mrs FW just a week or two (so I’m not telling yet ;)), so I can learn from your experience how to bring/raise a baby frugally. Hope you’ll share and not spare.
In Israel we say “in a good hour”, meaning “good luck” mixed with “finally…” – we don’t say congrats just yet, not to jinks
How exciting for you too! What a wonderful thing! I’m definitely planning on sharing more about our frugal Babywoods plans, fear not :). And, I like the phrase “in a good hour”–seems perfectly apt for this scenario :).
A huge congratulations to you both! This is such a well-written piece both celebrating the success of pregnancy and discussing your struggles with infertility. Best wishes for a smooth pregnancy with Frugalbaby, and hopefully the morning sickness is subsiding with the second trimester. I’m looking forward to future updates, as I’m sure you’ll have some great tips for frugal pregnancy and baby rearing that I’ll be able to learn from!
Thank you so much! And, yes indeed, the “morning” sickness (more like all day 😉 ) does seem to be getting better as time goes on 🙂
Congrats that’s great news, you will both make fab parents and frugal hound will be the perfect sister. Look forward to seeing the frugal-bump grow. Enjoy every moment. All the best xxx
Many thanks!! We’re trying to prep Frugal Hound for all that’s in store… I don’t think she quite gets it yet ;). Also, I love “frugal-bump”–hah!
Congrats once again! 🙂 Now Frugal Hound will have a baby sibling to play around with. 🙂
Thank you so much! It’ll be pretty entertaining to watch Frugal Hound figure this whole baby thing out 😉
Congratulations! Look forward to hearing more about your journey.
Many thanks :)!
Congratulations! This is such great news.
Thank you for sharing your struggle with infertility. We just had our own baby last year but we too went through more than a year of trying before getting pregnant, despite all medical tests coming back normal. I lived through joy and fear in those months leading up to the delivery and there was no better feeling than seeing that baby for the first time.
I wish you all the best in the coming months. Enjoy your pregnancy and impending motherhood!
Huge congratulations to you on your baby! I’m so sorry you had to go through a similar experience, but so glad to hear that all ended well! Many thanks for your good wishes 🙂
Woohoo! What great news! After I read your post , I whipped open our study window, and exclaimed to my husband who was working in the yard just outside it – “GUESS WHAT?! The Frugalwoods are expecting!” We are so happy for you. Thanks so much for sharing! (Our babies are in their early thirties. You’re going to love the ride. What fabulous parents you’ll be.) (Congrats to Frugalhound too. Bubby girl and Puppers are going to be great mates.) 🙂 Love from Linda (Australia).
Thank you so much, Linda! That’s so sweet of you :)! I’m really looking forward to watching Frugal Hound and Babywoods get to know each other–I think it’s going to be pretty hilarious 😉
Congrats! As a relatively new parent (we have an 11 month old), let me give you my words of advice: continue to be patient with yourself. Pregnancy was a challenge, but having a baby has been a whole new level of challenge. My best laid plans have not all worked out, so I’ve also had to eat some humble pie. At the end of the day, as long as you are feeding your baby (in whatever way works for your family), taking care of basic needs, and paying attention to your baby, you will be good to go. The rest are just details, and figure out what works for you. There are no shoulds in babying — it is just what is and what happens.
oh, and diapers.com often has great deals on all sorts of stuff, including diapers and baby carriers and nursing support and and and. Only related in the sense that I’m a good customer who is happy with deals I’ve found there. I also found baby gear lab helpful for comparisons.
Having a baby is a delightful journey 🙂 I wish you all the best!
Thank you so much for the good wishes and the great advice! I’m definitely trying to embrace this idea of not being in control and letting go of my desire to plan it all out :). Many congrats on your little one too!
This story sounds oddly familiar! Hubby and I were diagnosed with infertility last November and got pregnant naturally in February while saving up for IVF (which our insurance doesn’t cover). Congrats! So happy for you! 🙂
OH wow–that is a similar journey! Many congrats to you on your pregnancy–that’s absolutely wonderful :)!!! So you must be due a month before me–sometime in October? How exciting!!
I will add my congratulations to the chorus of people who have already commented – I am so very happy for the both of you. While I don’t know you well, I can tell that you will both be thoughtful, loving, and involved parents. Babywoods is blessed to be in such a caring family.
Thank you so much, Lindsey! I really appreciate your kind words–how very sweet of you!
Congrats! My wife and I knew enough couples that struggled with infertility that we sat down with her parents before we ever pursued having children to discuss infertility options. Given that her dad was a pastor and her mom was a RN for an OB/GYN, we were able to talk through the medical and ethical issues regarding infertility and we came up with a plan in the event that we couldn’t get pregnant on our own. Lo and behold, we got to implement our plan. When we reached the point in infertility treatments where we had decided to stop, we were able to do that because we had a pre-determined plan of action. That plan of action was the best thing we could have done. Now, 10+ years and three adoptions later, we have no regrets and we are amazed at how many couples who deal with infertility open up to us because they know that we can relate. Thanks for sharing your story; it is sure to be an encouragement to many!
Thank you for sharing your story; what a wonderfully happy ending for you and your wife! And, sounds like you had great in-home resources with her parents–that’s a real blessing. I think infertility is far more common than people realize because it does carry such a social stigma. I hope that my story, and yours, can provide hope to couples struggling with a similar situation. Thanks again for commenting!
Congrats! I don’t know how I missed this post. What an exciting time 🙂
Many thanks, Michelle! We are beyond excited :)!
Congratulations!! Welcome to the world of parenthood! It’s during labor that it *really* hits home that you have no control over the process however!
Haha, yes! I’ve read things to that effect :). Thanks for your good wishes!
Congratulations to the two of you on the big news! And thank you for sharing your struggle. It was very humbling.
My husband and I have two little girls – 6 and 4 – and we still marvel at them.
From a financial perspective, curious to know how you will tackle childcare until you leave your current jobs. I know it’s a ways off and it’s very personal, but on our financial independence journey, we’ve found that paying for childcare has slowed things down dramatically. And it’s a bill we’ll have until our oldest turns 12. So about 10 years of childcare expenses, in total, for both girls, at the very least, if I’ve done the math correctly. We are currently paying $1,400/mo for the two of them (dayhome and after-school care). That’s a bargain in my part of Canada. I know parents of kids who are under school age who are paying up to $3,000/mo.
I know it’s a cost we’ve chosen, but I wish I had somehow planned better before we had kids. I had no idea this expense would be so household finance-consuming.
Thank you for your good wishes! Childcare is a great question and it’s something we’re working on figuring out. It’s exorbitantly expensive here in Cambridge (to the tune of $2,300+/month), so we’re actually building spreadsheets and running the numbers right now. We knew how expensive it was before we got pregnant, but, we’re just trying to determine what will make the most sense. I’m glad you mentioned it because it really is an incredibly huge sum over the course of a kid’s lifetime.
WHAT!! Where have I been? I am so excited for you and am sending you positive vibes. Congratulations on little Babyhoods 🙂
Hahah, thank you so much, Michelle!! I appreciate the good vibes :)!
Oh wow, congratulation! I’m sorry to hear about your struggles, but I’m very happy that it all worked out. It will be an amazing time for the next few years. Get a lot of sleep now… 🙂
Thank you!!! I notice that all of the parents are telling us to sleep now… I better take the advice :)!!
Wow, that’s great news. Congratulations to both of you!
Thank you so much! Little did we know, we were pregnant while we were at NYU 🙂
That’s what I was thinking 🙂
WOW!!! Congratulations – sorry a little late to respond!!! So happy for you three 🙂 The MC and I can completely relate to your experience. It took us 18 months to get pregnant (although we were ok with not having kids), but I know how it can be. I’m so happy you shared your experience. I have met many people after going through our own experience and sharing who have said it’s nice to hear about others who also go through similar experiences. All the best! My pregnancy was super smooth (although the Little Man decided to come early, but all was/is good) – if you have any questions, don’t hesitate to reach out to me!
Many thanks!! And, I’m sorry to hear about your 18 month journey to pregnancy–but huge congrats on your son :)! It really is helpful, I think, to talk with people going through a similar struggle. It can feel so isolating otherwise. And, I appreciate your offer of advice–I’m sure I’ll have a million questions as time goes on :).
I’m so late but CONGRATS TO YOU AND THE MISTER! I have friends who are having trouble conceiving right now, and I will be passing this along to them. As much as I comfort them and try to motivate them, I think it would be much better coming from someone who has actually been through it. Praying for you guys!
Thank you so much, Lisa :)!!! And, I hope that this might be helpful to your friends. I really wanted to share our experience so that people going through something similar would know they’re not alone in having these feelings and worries. Many thanks for your prayers too :)!
It is such an amazing and wonderful journey, I am so excited for y’all. Let me be the 1,000,000th person to tell you to “get sleep now” and “enjoy your you time” before the baby comes. But seriously, get some sleep now. And start writing extra blog posts…but seriously sleep now.
Thank you so much! And, it is kind of funny that every parent we talk to has told us to “get sleep now!” Hahah, guess we’d better sleep!
Wow, so many comments! It is truly, exciting, though! I want to add my congratulations to the mix. I have been following you guys since January, right around the time that my own little one – squeak, for internet purposes, was born. I love hearing about frugality I the context of kiddos, and I look forward to what you guys will share! I appreciate you sharing your struggle, too. And, if you lived in Colorado, I. Would totally invite you to come take one of my prenatal yoga classes.
Thank you so much for your good wishes, Julia! And, many congrats to you on Squeak :)! I’ve been continuing on in my regular yoga classes (with modifications), but I would like to check out a prenatal class at some point too. Yoga just feels so good to my body–pregnant or not! So, thank you for the internet invite 🙂
Wow, I’ve been away too long. Congratulations! That must have been super stressful. I’m so glad to hear all is going well.
Thank you so much :)! We’re just thrilled. Feels so good to be safely in the second trimester 🙂
The Frugalwoods congrats to your family. It is a blessing and your life will never be the same. Good luck.
Many thanks :)!
Congratulations! I just found your blog this past week and started at the beginning and am reading right through, so just seeing this today. I have enjoyed getting to “know” the Frugalwoods 🙂 Although our ages and situations are very different, it is comforting to know that you and many others of your generation are doing such great jobs at getting their lives sorted out early. I hope to instill this in my kids, all brought to our family through foster and adoption by the way, so that they are in a similar place when they are your age. I want them to know what I did not! Looking forward to following you on your amazing journey.
Thank you so much for reading and for your kind words, Val. I really appreciate it! And, how wonderful that your kids came into your family via adoption and foster care. What a loving home you must have!
Congratulations from a long time reader and first time commenter on ANY FI website. (I read a few every morning, now that I am on a 1 year sabbatical that “may lead to my early retirement.” Your post on being privileged, (white, healthy, ect) was very honest and my favorite post until this one. I will make this short, just wanted to congratulate you all on the pending addition. It WILL change your life for the better. We have one son and can not imagine my life without him. While he wasn’t planned, being a mother is so rewarding!
Many thanks, Rose! And, congrats on making your first ever comment :). I’m glad you did comment! I love hearing from readers and learning where they are on their journey. The sabbatical sounds wonderful! Thanks for your kind words about the privilege post–that was one of the most challenging posts for me to write, but one that I’m most proud of.
Congratulations (even if I’m a little late to the party on this one)! We’ve been struggling with infertility for a few years now. I’m great at getting pregnant, but we’ve never made it past the 9-week mark. I’ve been frank about our struggle on my blog — my readers have been a great source of support actually — so it’s always nice to see other people be open about their own issues.
We’re about to embark on what will be our 6th and probably final attempt. If that doesn’t work out, I guess we’ll look into foster care. But I’m glad things are working out for you. And congrats on a little girl! That’s what I want if we can manage it.
I’m so sorry to hear about your struggle. My heart goes out to you and I wish you all the best in this journey. I think it’s inspiring that you’ve been open about it on your blog–breaking down the silence around infertility is a wonderful gift to give.
Congrats and good luck with Babywoods!!! It’s an amazing experience. My wife and I have two little ones (both under the age of 2). There’s a book for new dads, called “DadLabs,” that has a great quote, “it’s the hardest job you will ever do, but you will love it the most.” I can’t wait to hear how your story goes. Thanks for sharing.
Many thanks! And, thank you for the book rec–we’re always on the lookout for more parenting books 🙂
Congratulations to your whole family! Good luck and can’t wait to read about all the great frugalventures in frugalparenthood!
Thank you so much :)!
I’ve been off the radar. Things have been hectic and so I’ve not been keeping up with posts or posting myself regularly. I saw this post come in and I was so excited just by the title but I knew the quick minute I had to skim it wouldn’t be enough so I put it off. TWO MONTHS LATER I finally got a post of my own out and I thought, “man I feel better when I am reading financial blogs. I’m gonna poke around and see what I’ve been missing.” and I had to search my blog inbox through hundreds of unread emails to find this one that I knew I’d want to read. I am so. glad. I. did.
This post deserved lots of time to read and process. A baby is big, big news anyway but the emotion of your struggle is so powerful. Thank you so much for sharing. I suffered a miscarriage a year ago and the pain and confusion of the total lack of control that is much of the reproductive process is sobering. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and story. It means so much.
Obviously the Frugalwoods are one of my favorite frugal couples and I am tickled pink that they are expanding ’cause their awesomeness should be spread by any means possible. If you don’t get enough followers gotta create one who legally has to follow you for 18 years! : P
Anyhow, I plan to go skim over the other posts I’ve missed and hopefully catch all the gems. Hopefully I won’t feel like I have to comment too much and overload your inbox. I then want to never get so far behind. Because you know what? Even though I know it myself, it’s just so comforting to hear it work for others too. Life is grand and so many miss it. You guys don’t and now “you guys” means the three of you people (plus one handsome hound.)
Cheers and hearty congratulations-
I’m so sorry to hear about your miscarriage–I can’t imagine how tough that must’ve been. There’s just so much silence around infertility/pregnancy issues and I really appreciate it when people are open about their experiences.
Glad you’re back on the radar and thank you so much for your kind words–you’re too sweet :)!
My husband and I tried all the infertility treatments without success. We came to terms with the fact we will not have children but so appreciate that we have a loving relationship. I do appreciate your openness and honesty on this very difficult topic. I can’t tell you how many people have judged us as selfish for not having kids and only thinking of money but not knowing the years we went through pills, treatments and surgeries as well as those who told us to “just relax” it will happen. I wish you all the best and am sure you will make great parents.
Thank you for sharing that, Ginny. I’m so sorry to hear about your struggle with infertility. It’s true that people can be so cruel in their assumptions about people’s child/childless states. We just don’t know what others have endured. I’m glad to hear that you and your husband have a loving relationship–that’s really where it’s at.
This made me cry, in that good cathartic way. Loved it.
The first two paragraphs of the “What I’ve learned” section resonates with me so much. I, too, feel this way after being pregnant and actually delivered my baby. Everything is such a blessing in its own way, even the tireless days and nights that you will soon experience. Enjoy and embrace everyone and everything. 🙂 Congratulations and good luck FW family!
Hah! I meant the opposite of “tireless”. I meant to say “exhausting days and nights”. 🙂
Hah! I meant the opposite of “tireless”. I meant to say “exhausting days and nights”. 🙂
Congratulations! And thank you so much for your post. A few months ago I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks. It has been very difficult, especially once friends who conceived around the same time started sharing their good news. I know what you mean about the sense of jealousy and loss you felt around the happy pregnant women, and it is wonderful to hear how it has all worked out so well in the end for you two. Wishing you all the best for an easy last few weeks.
Congrats on the baby! Just found out about your blog today and am hooked! I’ve read similar blogs where couples plan to retire or quit their high-paying 9-5 in their 30’s. But they all had one thing in common: They didn’t have kids. It’s refreshing to hear from you guys that you plan to make this happen even with kids in the mix.
Are you planning to write a post on how you budget for kids with your frugal lifestyle? I strive to be frugal in my lifestyle, but for my future kids I want to give them a lot, such as being able to pay for their colleges. It would be interesting to hear how you budget for those expenses.
Looking forward to hearing about your journey and best wishes!
Thanks so much! Glad you found us :). Yes, we’ll definitely be discussing frugal living with kids–it’s an exciting new adventure for us! If you’re curious, you can check out my post about how we’ve prepared for baby for almost $0: Fighting Back Against The Baby Industrial Complex.
Dear Mrs. Frugalwoods, thank you so much for sharing your experience. I am currently also going through the same stages you went through. We are both young (28) and healthy, but we have been trying for 10 months now and still not pregnant.
We have always wanted a big family and now I am worried- how will we have a big family when it is so difficult to conceive first baby. We are also applying for adoption, but in my country it is a really long process (takes 4-5 years to adopt a baby) and there is chance only to adopt one baby. I hope that one day we will have both our biological as well as adopted children. It is really hard for me to wait so long. I have always wanted to be a young mother.
I am really happy to see that even after such a long time it is possible to conceive naturally. You give me hope.
Thank you also for this blog- you really inspire me in many ways. If you ever plan to come to Central Europe (do you actually plan to travel when you retire?), let me know, I would love to meet you.
Hi Anna–my heart goes out to you and I know how you feel. I’m so sorry you’re going through this and I hope that children will come into your life soon. We do indeed plan to travel more once we retire and we love Central Europe, so hopefully we’ll be back someday :). Take care!
Hola Liz, soy de México!!! I started to read your blog like 2-3 months ago, I cant remember where I hear about you, I think in the net…. I have been a saving person like since 2008 so I really enjoy your posts. I want to get preagnant this year, will start at mid year because I have a new job so want to wait a little bit. I am afraid of having problems to get preagnant so it was like a relief to read your story, I don’t feel alone. I will keep you post! Thanks for all the entertainment and saving lessons you give me once or two a week!!!
Hola LIlian! Best of luck to you with getting pregnant–I hope it’ll happen quickly for you :)!
I’m so glad your story has a happy ending. My six month old (asleep in my lap) came ten years after his big brother! Well worth waiting for as I’m sure your bundle is too. ????
Mrs. Frugalwoods – I am on month 10 of trying for baby #2. Baby #1 was so fast and this has been hard. I was just asked last weekend if I was pregnant. No, but now I feel barren *and* fat. Thanks.
But truly, thank you for this post! I have read it many times over the past few months and I’m trying to see this time as my own opportunity to let go of my control-freaky ways.
I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this right now! I admire your fortitude in letting go of the control-freak mentality–that is always the hardest thing for me. And I found it to be extremely challenging on our journey to pregnancy. So I wish you all the very best and I hope you’re pregnant soon!!
I admire your courage to be so open about this issue. Unfortunately, this is a taboo subject. And because of that, many women suffer, thinking about infertility as a personal failure.My daughter is two months older than yours. And we experienced the same. We tried to get pregnant for more than a year. The difference is that I felt confident about this decision with 35 years old.This was one more issue that lets me feel even worse. During the whole year I was always torturing me about waiting so long. At the end, a very good doctor identified that I had a very common hormonal imbalance. Within a one month simple treatment with a medicine, I got pregnant.During the first three months of my daughter’s life, I reconcile with myself and with my decision of late maternity. And really doesn’t matter how much other people talk or you relatives put pressure on you, don’t go ahead if you are not feeling confident or willing very much. Be parents is the most serious commitment one can have. You need to put all you are and more. And I am really at peace because everything happened at the right time. We are not FI yet, but we have a healthy nest egg and I can be a stayed at home mother during the first years of my daughter. She is still breastfeeding at eight months old.
Congrats!! Two stories to share. Too my sister-in-law and brother 8 years and it was very painful for her to see others with preganancy and babies. But they were blessed at ages 38 with a baby, and no pregnancy problems. I couldn’t have children but was able to adopt at age 34 and 44 from the foster care system. So wonderful that you both were open to adoption. Many babies and children need homes too:)
I’m late at this story but my son and his wife are dealing with infertility. After getting their graduate educations all in order, in 2015 they began trying to have a child. In Jan. 2016 it was confirmed that my son was the one with the problem of infertility and it has been so disappointing for them. Adoption is too expensive and so they are researching other methods to have a child. As for me…I have 6 children and the only one that I didn’t have morning sickness was a miscarriage so after that experience I was glad when sickness came. So glad that you were able to have your baby on your own. She’s adorable…along with your furry baby.